Marriage to the Joneses? No. Islamic Marriages please!

Marriage is the cornerstone of our lives – we all belong to a family and in the majority of cases, we were born out of a married couple. Islam places huge emphasis upon family, family ties, marriage and the upbringing of children.

Unfortunately, in today’s society, marriage tends to follow trends and cultures and there is a lot of perceived pressure from the community for a marriage to be better than or equal to the last wedding that was held – in a sense, weddings have become competitive. Marriage has become a case of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ and this puts unnecessary pressure on families, a huge amount of extravagance and a burden financially. The simplicity of the marriage ceremony has been shadowed by culture and improper expectations and demands upon potential spouses and their families. This is not the correct way to go about a marriage.

It’s important to start married life in the correct way and to be married according to Qur’an and Sunnah.  In this post, we simply outline an Islamic ceremony. More detail can be found in the book: “Fiqh of Marriage” by Dr. Al-Saldaan.

Al-Mahr (Dowry)

A dowry should be paid to the woman however this doesn’t necessarily have to be something financial. The dowry belongs to the wife and to no one else (not her guardians or relatives) and it is the wife’s decision what to do with it. The dowry should not be so excessive that it places a burden upon the man. If the dowry isn’t paid, it does not invalidate the marriage contract and if the man and woman agree to get married without a dowry, this is valid. There is no maximum amount for a dowry but there are some minimum amounts (which vary from the schools of thought).

And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart, but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allah has made it lawful).
Surat An-Nisa, v4

Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those (captives and slaves) whom your right hands possess. Thus has Allah ordained for you. All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) from your property, desiring chastity, not committing illegal sexual intercourse, so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed; but if after a Mahr is prescribed, you agree mutually (to give more), there is no sin on you. Surely, Allah is Ever All-Knowing, All-Wise.
Surat An-Nisa, v24

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said to the one who was to marry the woman who had offered herself to the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ): “Seek something [to give her as a dowry] even if it be a ring made of iron” – Sahih Bukhari

Al-Waleemah (Wedding dinner)

The wedding feast is a strongly recommended sunnah.

Safiyyah bint Shaib said, “The Prophet (ﷺ) gave a wedding feast for one of his wives with just two mudds of barley” – Sahih Bukhari

Abu Hurayrah stated, “The worst food is the food of the wedding feast in which only the rich are invited and the poor are avoided. And whoever does not respond to the invitation, has disobeyed Allah and His Messenger  (ﷺ) – Sahih Bukhari

There is no lower or upper limit to what may be given as a wedding feast but as a general rule, Muslims should not be extravagant.

O Children of Adam! Take your adornment (by wearing your clean clothes), while praying and going round (the Tawaf of) the Ka’bah, and eat and drink but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah) likes not Al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance).
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Eat and drink and give in charity but without lavishness or arrogance. Verily, Allah Loves the effects of His Bounty upon His servant to be seen.” – al-Nasaai

The Rights of the Husband and the Rights of the Wife

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
Surat An-Nisa, v34

And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three menstrual periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.
Surat Al-Baqarah, v228

The Prophet was asked by one of the Sahaba, “What is the right of our wives upon us?” He replied, “It is that when you eat, you feed her; when you get clothing for yourself, you get clothing for her; do not strike the face; do not swear at her; and do not boycott her except in the house.” – Abu Dawood

The rights of a Husband over his wife are (in summary):

• obedience (hadeeths in An-Nasaai and Al-Musnad)
• Remaining in the house and going out of the house with the permission of the husband (Surat Al-Ahzaab v33)
• Responding to his call, when he calls her to his bed (hadeeth in Sahih Muslim)
• Not allowing anyone to enter his house except with his permission (hadeeth in Sahih Muslim)
• Serving the husband (hadeeths from Sahih Bukhari)
• Protecting his honour, children and wealth (hadeeths from Sahih Bukhari and Abu Dawood)
• Being thankful to the husband, not denying his virtues and treating him in a good manner (hadeeths from Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)

The rights of a Wife over her husband are (in summary):

• Treating the wife in a good and kind manner (Surat An-Nisaa v19) – this includes the husband not hurting his wife with his actions or his speech.
• Teaching her the matters of the deen and supporting her in her acts of obedience to Allah (Surat Al-Tahreem, v6)
• Maintaining her chastity (hadeeths from Sahih Muslim)
• Financically maintaining the wife (Surat Al-Baqarah, v233, and Sahih Muslim and Sahih Bukhari)

Common rights

• Having the right to enjoy one another (Surat Al-Baqarah, v187)
• Establishing the rights of inheritance between the spouses (Surat An-Nisaa, v12)
• Treating each other in a good and kind manner (as above references)
• Establshing the forbiddance of marriage to relatives

MISCONCEPTIONS AND WRONG ACTIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE:

• It is not Islamic to expect the woman or her family to pay the dowry.
• The dowry is not a price for merchandise or to ‘buy’ the woman. The dowry is not a price for the value of the woman but the dowry is a token of the man’s interest in the woman.
• Engagement rings and engagement parties – this is a newly adopted custom and is not from Islam. This practice is that of a Pharoanic practise or christian tradition.
• Mehndi celebrations are not from Qur’an and Sunnah – this is a tradition from Indian culture.
• Dancing at a wedding (or any other time) is haraam
• Free-mixing at weddings is not permitted
• Following the dress of weddings from other cultures is not from Islam (eg. white wedding dresses with long trains as in christian/western culture, red dresses without proper hijaab as in indian tradition etc). The dress code for Muslims at weddings and in public should always conform to Islamic rulings.
• The groom entering a room full of women (who aren’t wearing proper Islamic attire, eg. hijaab) is wrong and from Indian culture.
• Extravagance is not from Qur’an and Sunnah – Allah and His Rasool (ﷺ) have warned us against this.
• There is no such thing as a honeymoon in Islam – this is from culture.
• ‘Ruqsati’ – the act of the woman leaving her parents’ house, is not from Islam but from Indian culture.
• The throwing of rice and other such customs is not from Islam.
• Engagement – it is not allowed in the period before a man and woman become married, for them to be left alone together, to get to know each other – this is not from Islam.
• Marriage is by consent. Forced marriages are haraam in Islam.

MISCELLANEOUS

• In many cases, a maried couple will be living with their in-laws. It is not permissible for relatives to interfere between a husband and his wife. For example, it is not permissible, even if a married couple is living with their in-laws, for any of your in-laws to enter your room without your permission, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you, in order that you may remember” [al-Noor 24:27]
  Some specific examples and advice is given on the following posts:
  • http://islamqa.info/en/174331
  • http://islamqa.info/en/6388 – advice regarding in-laws
  • http://islamqa.info/en/96665 – advice with mother-in-law

Stand Up 4 Islam!

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HIJAAB: Not a fashion statement of Islam

I’m sure I’m not the only one to have noticed but these days the Muslimah seem to have taken on a trend that is more fashion than Islam. There are Islamic principles to follow and this really goes against those principles. I’m talking about the way Muslimahs are wearing their hijaabs, which actually does the opposite of what it is intended for – it attracts attention rather than protect the dignity of a woman. But that’s not the only thing that needs addressing – wearing hijaab with leggings and tight fitting clothes is not what you would imagine the wives of the Prophet (pbuh) to have done. So why are Muslimah of today doing this?

Sadly, our younger sisters are mistakenly thinking that, by wearing hijaab in this fashion, (without thinking about the rest of their attire), they are fulfilling one of their Islamic duties. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to see more and more sisters wearing hijaab. But it’s time we got this right and looked at hijaab in the way the Wives of the Prophet (pbuh) adopted it – they are our role models.

Don’t make Hijaab trendy

The Islamic principles of Hijaab include protecting the dignity of women and saving her beauty for her husband – not for every hot-blooded guy in the vicinity. I think it’s great that more Muslimah are wearing the hijaab but which do you think is better? Wearing hijaab and loose clothing that does not reveal the shape of a woman? Or wearing hijaab and tight clothing, such as leggings, which reveals the shape (and which attracts a man’s attention)?

Above I have drawn two figures – on the right is a drawing of hijaab (with loose clothing), on the left is a drawing of hijaab (with tight clothing). I didn’t want to put an actual picture up of a woman in leggings or tights or jeans, and so this is the best alternative I could come up with. The drawing on the right is the better way to adopt hijaab, not the one on the left. Sisters, reflect on the following:

“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies. That will be better, that they should be known so as not to be annoyed.” [Surat Al-Ahzab v59]

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juhubihinna (ie. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers,or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers, or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (ie. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. All all of you beg Allah to forgive you, O believers, that you may be successful.” [Surah 24 (An-Nur), verse 31]

Narrated Safiyah bint Shaibah: ‘Aishah used to say: ‘When the Verse: “And to draw their veils all over Juhubihinna (ie. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)” (V24:31) was revealed, (the ladies) cut their waist sheets at the edges and covered their heads and faces with those cut pieces of cloth. [Sahih Bukhari, Vol 6, Hadith No. 282]

Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are two types of the people of Hell whom I have not seen: men with whips like the tails of cattle with which they strike the people, and women who are clothed but naked, walking with an enticing gait, with something like the humps of camels on their heads. They will not enter Paradise nor even smell its fragrance, and its fragrance can be smelled from such and such a distance.” [Sahih Muslim]

Sisters, the evidence above is clear (although there are even more evidences that go into this issue in more detail). For those who still may feel like questioning this, then please do look further inot the issue. But once you realise the evidences, I remind you of the verse in the Qur’an:

“It is not fitting for a believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger, to have any option about their decision. If anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path.” [Surat Al-Ahzaab v36]

Further information on the ruling of hijaab and it’s conditions

Come on sisters, you’ve already taken one step to wearing the hijaab – now go one step more and do away with the leggings and tight clothing, wear full hijaab and be a real role model for the Ummah. And if you think that wearing hijaab with tight clothes is fulfilling your duty and not attracting men, then why not ask (in a halaal manner) brothers themselves? I am sure they will tell you what they find attractive (you might be surprised).

Other posts for Sisters

Sisters are proud to be Identified as Muslimah!

We don’t need to be saved from the Burka!

Stand Up 4 Islam!

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Brothers and Sisters – get your Islamic libaas here!

I don’t know if this will work but I’m going to give it a go. If it doesn’t my apologies if I have wasted anyone’s time. My intention here is to help support my brothers and sisters in Islam in halaal earnings and to spread unity amongst the Muslims, and I’m starting by building a recommended list of Muslims who sell Islamic clothing. I have also written a couple of posts about sisters and Islamic libaas – please browse through my posts.

IF YOU SELL ISLAMIC CLOTHING

Please let me know your web or postal address and which country you are in and I’ll put a link to your website here, so other Muslims can see and be referred to you. Please help our brothers and sisters by not charging excessively. I know it’s a tough world in business but our Rizk is from Allah Alone and He Will Reward those who help support the deen and the Ummah. Let’s not compete with each other but support each other!

IF YOU BUY AND WEAR ISLAMIC CLOTHING

Please subscribe to this post and I will try to keep it updated as much as I can (just be patient with me). I’ll try to list those Muslims who have been recommended to me, who sell Islamic Clothing. If you have a Muslim business to recommend to me, please email me and let me know and I’ll add what I can, insha’Allah.

Please help support our brothers and sisters in halaal businesses, even if sometimes the price is a little higher than going to a non-Muslim. Other communities do this and prosper from it – the hindus support each other, as do the sikhs, the jews – Muslims should be better at this than anyone else! Support our brothers and sisters in Islam because here you will get something more – BARAQAH!

Insha’Allah let’s make it easy for our Brothers and Sisters to look like Muslims and have an Islamic identity. Let’s have patience with each other and support each other.

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IN AUSTRALIA:

http://www.sissta.com.au/presta/ run by @fashion4muslims

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IN CANADA:

www.urbanmuslimahs.com or store.urbanmuslimahs.com – run by @UrbanMuslimahs
blog.urbanmuslimahs.com

http://www.hijabpins.ca/

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IN INDONESIA:

http://www.hijabscarf.blogspot.com/ – run by @hijabscarf

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IN MALAYSIA:

http://ayshacollection.blogspot.com/ – run by @ayshacollection

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IN THE UK:

www.al-hijaab.com – run by @alhijaabislamic

www.islamicimpressions.co.uk

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IN THE US:

http://www.hijabgirl.com/

http://www.etsy.com/shop/themodestwoman run by @muslimahsarah10

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Let’s be unified as ONE UMMAH!

Stand Up 4 Islam!

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Sisters are proud to be identified as Muslimah!

If there’s one thing that Islam and Muslims gets attacked for, it’s women!

It’s made out, in the ‘western world’, in the non-Muslim media and by ordinary people on the streets, that Muslim women are oppressed by Islam and by Muslim men. This is simply not true!

This is no different than Muslims being slammed for forced marriages. For a long time, people thought that having a forced marriage was normal in Islam and it was something that Islam supported. They thought that Muslim women were being oppressed, by the men, and being forced into marriages, against their wills. It took years of Muslims speaking out before it actually started to sink into the minds of the public at large, that Islam was against forced marriages and that this was a custom, a tradition, that was prevalent in cultures throughout the world – but not in Islam.

The Muslim World continues to be attacked where women are concerned. The latest attention has focused on the clothing of a Muslimah – not a new topic but one that’s been gaining momentum in Europe and the UK. The western world is complaining and campaigning hard against the Burqa, also known as the niqaab or chadur, and it has been banned in France, Belgium and is being heavily debated in the UK, Spain and other countries. The main thrust is that it is oppressive, poses a security threat and divides communities. I have already written a post on this:

https://standup4islam.wordpress.com/2010/08/14/we-dont-need-to-be-saved-from-the-burka/

Sisters! Stand Up!

The thing is sisters, if a Muslim man argues about the merits and benefits and blessings of hijaab, niqaab/burqa or jilbaab, he’ll just be seen as one of the oppressors. This situation requires for sisters to act, for sisters to stand up and defend their rights, the rights given to them in Islam by Allah, subhana wa ta’ala.

So stand up sisters. Be proud of being a Muslimah, of looking like a Muslimah, of being identified as a Muslimah. Stand up and tell the disbelievers that they are wrong. Ask them why they don’t ask the hundreds of thousands of Muslim women, who do wear Islamic dress, if they are oppressed. I don’t recall Muslim women asking the west for help!

• Tell them that you are not oppressed.
• Tell that that you don’t need their ‘protection’, that you don’t need to be ‘saved’ from Muslim men and Islam.
• Tell them the many reasons why you wear your hijaab, your niqaab, your jilbaab.
• Tell them that those who think the hijaab, niqaab or jilbaab are oppressive, are those who don’t wear it and those who want to show themselves off to a society that lusts after women.

And don’t stop there. Challenge them about their morals, about how they portray women in this society and what a lowly position they give to women. Don’t be a feminist – there is a better and higher position than that – that of Islam and the high status that it gives to Muslim women.

Some non-Muslims understand the benefits of being covered up, as can be seen from the link below:

http://www.savethemales.ca/180902.html

This is a non-Muslim speaking – surely Muslim women can say more!

Don’t be apologetic – you have nothing to apologise for.

And sisters, don’t look down on other sisters who are not yet practising this – insha’Allah they will learn and grow in deen and take strength from women like yourselves – help them to understand. And sisters, don’t speak out against those who are trying to wear Islamic dress in a society that frowns upon them. Support your sisters, wherever you are – don’t undermine them.

It won’t stop at the Niqaab!

Sisters, you need to realise that the attacks won’t stop. Now it’s the burqa and niqaab. What will it be tomorrow? If you don’t stand up now, the disbelievers will continue to walk all over us, spreading ‘their version’ of our deen.

Sisters, you are the cornerstone of the family! Do you want your children, nephews and nieces, to grow up without seeing their mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts protected by the Commands of Allah? Do you want them to see you in the same ilk as the disbelieving women? Think about what separates the believing women from the disbelieving women.

Stand Up 4 Islam!

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Some Notes: Proofs for the veil

Surah 24 (An-Nur), verse 31:

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juhubihinna (ie. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers,or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers, or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (ie. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. All all of you beg Allah to forgive you, O believers, that you may be successful.”

Sahih Bukhari, Vol 6, Hadith No. 282:

Narrated Safiyah bint Shaibah: ‘Aishah used to say: ‘When the Verse: “And to draw their veils all over Juhubihinna (ie. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)” (V24:31) was revealed, (the ladies) cut their waist sheets at the edges and covered their heads and faces with those cut pieces of cloth.’

Four Schools of Thought:

There is a difference of opinion amongst the Maaliki, Hanafi, Hanbali and Shaafi’ee, over whether a Muslim woman should cover her face and hands. I will not go any further into the fiqh of this issue, as it is not needed here and there are more learned people that you can get an answer for this on. And it’s especially not needed for the non-Muslims. The point is though that we should not undermine the sisters who choose to wear burqa/niqaab but recognise that they are doing a good thing.

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Story of a pious Sister

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ9TOq1OUBY

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We don’t need to be saved from the Burka!

There has been so much media attention lately on a piece of cloth. That’s right, a piece of cloth.

What harm is a piece of cloth to anyone? Well apparently, to some, it’s offensive and degrading and against human rights.

What are we talking about? We’re talking about the Burka (and Niqaab).

The Burka is a face veil, worn by Muslim women throughout the world. They’ve been wearing this for over 1400 years, as a sign of their faith and to follow the Commandments of God. There are many many Muslim women who are happy to wear the burka, understand the freedom it gives them, understand the respect it gives them, as opposed to the non-Muslim culture of exploiting women and living a life that is seemingly ‘free’ and ‘liberal’.

THE BURKA PROTECTS WOMEN

Yes, that’s right, the burka respects and protects women – it doesn’t exploit them nor make them second class citizens. It helps to maintain the value of women, their beauty, their respect, their honour, by protecting women against the abusive behaviour of others, protecting them from sexism, chauvinism and bias.

THE ACCUSATIONS

They say the burka is cruel and invasive – how?

They say the burka is about keeping the woman subdued and oppressed – yet many thousands and millions of Muslim women, who wear the burka, don’t complain of this.

They say that wearing the burka is humiliating – who says? Muslim women who wear the burka? No. It’s women who don’t wear the burka, men and women who aren’t Muslim, men and women who haven’t taken the time to understand the issues and benefits of the burka. Men and women who have little respect for Islam. And they get those so-called scholars, whom they have influence over, to declare some ruling publicly that the burka is not Islamic, just to justify their position. These so-called scholars have no right to try to change laws in Islam and mis-lead people.

They say the burka restricts communication. Burkas have been worn by Muslim women in many institutions in the middle east – hospitals, law courts, schools, universities – this has never been a problem. So why are you trying to turn it into a problem? How is it a problem? Why should Muslim women change? Why can’t non-Muslims just change their attitude towards Muslim women?

They say that the burka is segregative and stops women from participating in society. How? There are many Muslim women in the UK, who wear the burka and hold professional roles and are contributing to society. So why the scaremongering? Shouldn’t a Muslim woman be able to choose who she interacts with? Should a Muslim woman, or even any woman, open herself up to the whole of society? Where is the respect for women in the modern world, in a non-Muslim society?

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDES TOWARDS MUSLIMS AND MUSLIM WOMEN!

So where’s this coming from? Why do non-Muslims feel the need to come to the defence of women who haven’t asked for their help, don’t need their help, don’t want their help and don’t agree with the ideals of these non-Muslims?

This isn’t about women’s rights. It’s about the worldwide hatred and intolerance towards Islam and Muslims.

This is just another example of Islamophobia! People judging us and treating us unfairly and acting as though they know what is better for the Muslims, than the Muslims themselves!

The wearing of clothing is, on top of this, a personal choice. What right does France or anyone in the world have to impose their values on someone else? Impose their choices on anyone else? I don’t see anyone complaining of Sikh turbans, or even the small swords that devout Sikhs carry on their person, as part of their religion. Surely that’s more of a threat than anything – to go around armed? So why the double standards?

The vast majority of people who are complaining against the burka are those who haven’t even come across it in real life, have never had to deal with a Muslim woman who wears the burka – so why are they talking about something they have no experience of, no dealings of and where the burka doesn’t even affect their lives?

On top of this, Muslim women have been wearing the burka for decades in the western world and for hundreds of years in the Muslim world. We’ve gotten by without any major problems before. So why make such a fuss about it now?

Simple – people in the world look down on Muslims and Islam. They give way to their prejudices, discrimination, biases, racism and intolerance. So we don’t need to be saved from the Burka. Rather, we need to be saved from people with these kinds of attitudes.

Leave our Muslim women alone. Muslims and Islam has been around for centuries and been the height of civilisation, when the western world was in the dark ages. How can you accuse Islam and Muslims of being degrading to women, when we have put the woman at the centre of our society, we have raised women’s rights to a new level, we have female scholars who have guided many of the rulings established in Islam, we have women role models who are amongst the best in the history of the world – women like Mary (Mother of Jesus).

Learn about Islam before your start to criticise it and try to interfere in Muslims’ lives. Respect the way that Muslims live. Anyone who disagrees with the Burka would never in their life, agree to anyone imposing their will on them. So why do it to Muslims?

Follow-up article: https://standup4islam.wordpress.com/2010/08/29/sisters-are-proud-to-be-identified-as-muslim/

Stand Up 4 Islam!

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